While having morning tea with my adorable and large-with-child friend Megan (and her angelic 3 yr old daughter, Nori)yesterday, I realized I was in stage 4 "self-imploding" malignant phase of the crankies when I found myself envying Megan's possession of brutal pregger hormones. She has a built-in rollercoaster-mood scapegoat for her unreasonableness, should she choose to employ it (and the sweet-tempered little biaytch didn't, don't you know). Le sigh. Megan always cheers me up and makes me laugh, that ho. If only she knew I was shredding pages of Nori's Hello, Kitty! coloring book under the table.
At any rate, consider this a PSA for acute LJC, and be on lookout for the listed signs of unreasonableness in your loved ones. If you think you or someone you know is suffering, immediately take your bed with a comic novel, TV on DVD, full fat cocoa products and some essential oils to throw visitors off your unwashed smell. Wait there until the thaw.
Signs you may be morbidly unreasonable:
1. Demanding the CDC fund further study of "skin transplants" because you have the itchies and "after all it is the largest organ in the body."
2. Ordering your beagle to "scratch more quietly" or "you will be brisket."
3. Shaving your head because of "that damn static."
4. Cursing Skadi, the Norse goddess of snow and winter, even in the presence of your pastor.
5. Expecting your culinarily-limited hubby to "get in the kitchen and whip up some delicious Thai street food for dinner" when you're pretty sure the only thing left in the fridge is a couple of eggs, a bottle of liquid children's antibiotics and some rice vinegar.
I'm fully expecting I may get the shaft come Valentine's day, which I will completely deserve.